Trecuti de mici prin filtre

De ani buni vad in jur tot felul de nationalitati, dar ramin sa cred ca popor mai trist, mai suparat si mai nefericit decit moldovenii nu gaseti. Nu stiu daca exista natiune sau om in particular care sa nu aiba probleme, dar parca nu toti se cicleaza pe ele asa cum o facem noi. Imi amintesc diminetile din troleu cind, aveam senzatia ca merg impreuna cu restul pasagerilor la o inmormintare si asta, indiferent de ziua saptaminii. Am incercat deseori sa raspund cu zimbet privirilor de “sus” care imi examinau pina si ciorapii incaltati, dar m-am simtit tot de atitea ori ca proaspat iesita dintr-o casa de nebuni. Ei cum asa, sa zimbesti fara treaba oamenilor? Esti obligat sa fii ca toata lumea, gata gata sa incepi a plinge si a le face viata si mai trista celor din jur. As putea sa ii inteleg si nu vreau. Dar sa luam totul de la capat.

Asa se face ca ne-am trezit pusi in “rama” inca de mici, cind am invatat mai bine ce NU trebuie sa facem decit ce e UTIL si INDISPENSABIL sa stim. Parintii nostri au fost preocupati mai mult cu ce sa ne hraneasca si sa ne imbrace (ultima fiind o problema serioasa pe atunci), decit cum sa ne explice care reguli ale societatii trebuie sa nu le luam in serios. Erau convinsi ca scoala ne educa mai bine decit o pot face ei si, ne-au lasat pe “miini bune” sa ne faca “oameni”. Ei intre timp au avut grija sa mai ridice un saraies linga casa neterminata, sa nu ne prea arate iubirea sau sa ne prea laude pentru reusite (pentru ca, copilul “isi ia nasul la purtare” daca ii arati asta), sa ne certe pentru ca nu suntem la fel de buni ca si un x coleg de clasa, si sa ne faca inca o mie de reguli cu ce NU se poate.

La scoala am mers cu o seriozitate mai grava decit la biserica: care tremurind, care fisticit ca a uitat citeva rinduri din tema invatata ca papagalul, care cu rugaciuni sigure de ajutor ceresc ca n-o sa fie intrebat. (Cunosc un cabinet la usa caruia fiecare isi facea cruce – pe bune, sunt si eu printre smeritul popor. Pe linga ca invatam tema intr-o romana cu o multime de neologisme pentru noi, profesorul avea reputatia omului care te zdrobeste dintr-o singura privire asa ca, un “Doamne ajuta” si citeva cruci la usa cu pricina erau indispensabile).
La unele usi se facea cea mai mare bataie de joc…, de profesori. De pe asa usi nu am iesit decit cu voie buna si zero lectii insusite, indiferent cit de mult ai fi vrut sa stii materia data.
In unele cabinete am admirat la fiecare ora “Hora prostilor” – metoda de a scoate elevii care nu au invatat tema in fata clasei si de a-i tine acolo pina la sfirsitul orei, in picioare. In altele am prins muste.

Din pacate, multi profesori ne-au predat asa cum li s-a predat si lor sau au considerat ca pentru remunerarea mizera nu ar trebui sa le pese de ce fel de elevi ies din “miinile” lor.
Ma intreb cum ar fi fost scoala daca fiecare profesor ar fi predat asa incit sa iti doresti toate 6 lectii din zi cu acelas profesor. Asa incit pina si elevul cu cele mai slabe reusite la invatatura sa fie primul in banca si sa astepte cu nerabdare sa inceapa ora. Nu stiu cit de corect gramatical scriu unii din ei acum in romana, dar stiu ca au memorizat pentru totdeauna marile lucrari literare romanesti, pot purta un mic dialog in franceza sau recunoaste autorii marelor simfonii.

Scoala ne-a invatat, totusi, sa nu vorbim neintrebati, sa nu intoarcem cuvintul, sa respectam maturii, sa oferim locul, sa asteptam rindul, sa…, sa…, sa. Nu tin minte nici o lectie in care sa ni se vorbeasca despre “De tine depinde viata ta. De felul in care gindesti si simti depinde fericirea ta. De perseverenta si efortul tau poate depinde o natiune.” Nici o singura astfel de lectie… in 16 ani de lectii.
In schimb ni s-a amintit mereu ca traim intr-o tara in care ce simti, stii sau vrei nu-l intereseaza pe nimeni. Tu trebuie sa taci si sa inghiti, pentru ca, revin, trebuie sa ii respecti pe cei mari, si mari acolo is toti.

Profesorilor si decanilor care au incercat sa cultive in stundenti un pic de libertate de gindire, li s-a dat peste miina (sau peste cap) si au fost trimisi la loc, in rindul celor TOTUNA.

Tin minte viu un dialog cu cineva din paza universitatii. Incercam sa imi apar dreptatea la care dinsul mi-a racnit – “Tu sa taci. N-ai voie sa vorbesti, pentru ca vorbesti cu cineva care are deja doua universitati terminate. Da tu cine esti, o studenta?”. Am facut ochi mari si am inchis gura, pentru ca de, a fi doar o studenta insemna sa nu am dreptul sa apar ceea ce cred ca e corect, sa gindesc macar ca e corect sau sa gindesc in genere. Cel mai trist e ca mai toti se cred asa Sefi de Paza importanti, pentru care restul is nimicuri, iar ei Centru de Univers.

Si dupa ce te-ai vazut cu o diploma sau doua in miina, ai inteles ca neavind nici o ruda care sa iti scrie “CV moldovenesc”, ai doua obtiuni: ori inghiti toate sefimea (care nu scapa nici un prilej sa iti aminteasca importanta ei) pentru citiva lei, ori te pornesti in lumea mare la constructii sau la a fi rob benevol in familii cu mai multi bani decit tine.

Nu-i de mirare ca fețele din trolee devin tot mai triste si privirile tot mai taioase. Nu-i de mirare ca, scapati din puscaria imposibilului, moldovenii devin mai impopotati, dar la fel de suparati pe toata lumea. Nu-i de mirare ca rabdam loviturile, pentru ca am fost invatati sa mai intoarcem un obraz. Nu-i de mirare ca ne-am trecut prin atitea filtre, incit am ajuns sa nu ne mai semanam. Cred ca avem deja scris in codul genetic felul asta de a-i lasa pe altii inainte si de a ne plinge de mila ca de prea mult timp asteptam rindul la fericire si la un altfel de miine.

“Daca nu lupti pentru ceea ce vrei, meriti ceea ce ai” spunea John C. Maxwell, doar ca lupta trebuie inceputa cu sine insuti, continuata in familie, scoala, liceu, universitate dar…, pare a fi mult mai usor sa fii rau CA si CU toata lumea.

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22 thoughts on “Trecuti de mici prin filtre

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