O mamă de bunică

Nu-mi pot aminti cu exactitate chipul tău atunci cînd aveam mai puțin de cinci anișori. Eram doar un pui de om, deși am atîtea amintiri cu tine. Știu undeva în subconștient că ai fost alături de mine încă din primele zile de viață. Știu că dis de dimineață ridicai dealul pentru o mînă de ajutor mamei, iar mai apoi mă luai în brațe ca pe un boț de aur și mai ridicai un deal ca să ajung la grădiniță.  O știm cu toții, le reușeai pe toate, iar de cînd am apărut pe lume ai început să trăiești o grijă dublă, grijă pentru copilul tău și o grijă și mai prudentă pentru copilul copilului tău. Tu nu ai încetat niciodată să fii, să lupți, să zîmbești și mai ales să spui cu tărie că indiferent de greutăți există și lumină după întuneric.

Am venit la tine cînd aveam 5 ani și 5 luni, sau cel puțin așa îmi mie plăcea să o spun. M-ai primit în casa ta exact ca zînele bune din povești. Nu înțelegeam ce mă așteptă în viitor, dar știam cu siguranță că plec la bunica, acolo unde pîinica de pe masă este cea mai bună din lume. Ne-ai găzduit cu cea mai tandră și caldă dragoste de mamă, iar pe mine în deosebi. Ai avut grijă să nu-mi lipsească nimic, nici chiar atunci cînd nici tu nu mai aveai de unde. Țin minte, cum din ultimii lei sau uneori chiar din împrumut, duminica, la piață, îmi cumpărai un cucoșel dulce sau o jucărie cîtuși de mică, dar mai les și întotdeuna peștișorii cei sărați și marinați. Costul lor era nesemnificativ, pentru mine însă erau un delicates. Puteai să vii cu te miri ce în pungă, da fără peștișori niciodată. Spuneai că am gusturi ciudate, dar știai cît de mult îmi plac și nu ezitai să-mi faci plăcere cîtuși de puțin. Bucuria din ochii tăi era mai mare decît satisfacția mea de copil. Atît de mult suflet puneai în fiecare zi și atît de multă dragoste de mamă. Nu te-ai lăsat învinsă nici măcar o clipă, iar prezența ta lîngă mine a devenit înger păzitor în toate.

Copilăria mea sunt ochii si mîinile tale. Ai fost mai mult decît o leoiacă care-și apără puiul. Nu permiteai să fiu amărîtă pe nedrept și astfel puteai puneai la punct pe oricine (nu conta dacă era copil sau adult). O făceai pentru că durerea mea era durerea ta, ba chiar una mult mai mare. Erai de neoprit și te aprindeai mai tare cînd mă vedeai atît de naivă și neputincioasă. Îmi tot băgai în cap să nu fiu fricoasă și să dau înapoi mai tare decît am primit. Știai că nu o voi face, dar nu încetai să mi-o spui. „Să nu te dai bătută niciodată!” – îmi repetai întruna cînd veneam acasă amărîtă. Ai început să cedezi cînd am devenit un pic mai mare și înțelegeai că a venit timpul să mă pot descurca de una singură, deși găseai tu o cale să mă protejezi pe furiș. Nu înțelegeam pe atunci de ce o faci atît de insistent, acum însă știu, o făceai pentru că așa sunt mamele pentru copiii lor.

Tare ne-a mai fost greu cînd a venit timpul să ne despărțim. Nu eram departe una de cealaltă, dar simțeam lipsa atît de tare încît puteam vorbi și două ore la telefon. Devenisem fata ta mare care a plecat la învățat. Și tare îți mai făceai griji că o să mor de foame că de’, nu am stat la fusta ta să prind a învăța cum se face măcar un borș, nemaivorbind de o gălușcă! „O să-ți moară bărbatu’ de foame, dacă s-a gasi unu să te ia de soție, că bărbații în ziua de azi nu-s proști și se uită mai întîi dacă ești bună la gătit, nu bună la îmbrobodit! Așă că ia și învață că o să-ți prindă bine!”. Aveai dreptate, da pe atunci o luam la fugă. Azi însă, să știi, bărbatu’ nu-mi moare de foame și nici nu vrea să o rupă la fugă!

Atît de multe amintiri ne leagă cot la cot. Atît de multe stări și atîtea emoții mari. De la prima zi de grădiniță pînă la ultima zi de facultate și apoi pînă în ziua de azi cînd deja înțeleg atît de bine cîte stări poate simți o inimă de mamă. Am rîs și am plîns împreună cu primele buchii la școală și primele sfaturi în viața de tînără independentă. Ai fost prezentă în toate și asta a contat cel mai mult!

Se spune că dragostea de mamă și dragostea adevărată nu necesită strigată cu voce tare. Eu nu prea ți-am dedicat versuri, felicitări, desene sau ce ne mai învăța la școală. Nu prea ți-am spus cît de mult te iubesc și cît de mult îți datorez pentru fiecare zi din viața mea. Nici nu am avut curajul să-ți cer iertare atunci cînd, poate te mai supăram un pic. Poate nu am fost copilul perfect și poate nu sunt nici acum, în schimb tu ai fost și continui să fii în cel mai tandru mod cea mai scumpă bunică de pe pămînt. Încerc totuși, zilnic, în felul meu, să-ți dovedesc cît de mult însemni pentru mine, cît de multe îți datorez și cît de mare este dorul de tine. Ești mai mult decît buna mea, mai mult decît prietena mea cea mai bună și mai mult decît pot spune cuvintele.

Să fii sănătoasă mulți ani înainte, buna mea scumpă!

 

 

 

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94 thoughts on “O mamă de bunică

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