Mamele

Cîteva zile în urmă am sărbătorit Ziua Internațională a Femeii , încadrînd aici ziua mamei, bunicii , fiicei ,soției , iubitei..) . Facebook-ul a fost inundat de imagini cu floricele și sclipici, de mesaje copiate din internet și pe alocuri de ceva din propria creație. Mamele au primit flori… personal, prin curier sau virtual…

Mă întreb ce a simțit acea mamă care nu a primit îmbrățișarea copiilor din cauza distanței de mii de km dintre ea și copii. Sunt sigură că în suflet avea durere și lacrimi dar în fața camerei de la monitor zîmbea, zîmbea resemnată, încercînd din răsputeri să pară fericită și de fiicare dată spunînd că e fericită că măcar copiii pot trăi într-o țară civilizată , fercită că copiii sunt bine și că își permit vacanțe ( pe care ea nu le-a avut niciodată), restaurante ( în care ea nici macar nu a pașit vreodată), să-și trimită copiii la diferite cluburi de dans sau arte ( regretînd ca ea nu a putut să își permită acest lucru). Dar oare cît de fericită este știind că îi va vedea o dată în an sau chiar mai rar, iar timpul îi este cel mai aprig dușman, împingînd-o fără milă în ghiarele batrîneții, neputinței și a morții. Cum se simte ea știind că cel mai probabil cînd va veni ceasul morții, copiii vor fi departe?

Oare asta și-a dorit cînd ne-a adus pe lume? Oare la asta a visat? Cel mai rău este că se întîmplă să aud de la unele persoane expresia: ” O iubesc pe mama, dar deja ea e trecutul, trebuie să ne gîndim la noi și la copii..”

Cum? Cum să rostești aceste cuvinte? Cum să gindești asa , cînd ea a muncit zi și noapte pentru tine și acum îți duce dorul…

Copil fiind , auzeam de multe ori expresia:” Am o fată, mila mea, cea care îmi va fi alături la batrînețe, care îmi va da o cană cu apă cînd nu voi fi în stare să mă ridic…”

Și unde sunt fiicile acum? Îngrijesc de alți bătrîni, străini? Și cumpără bilete de avion ca să ajungă să își petreacă mama pe ultimul drum ( asta în cazul în care
actele sunt în regulă și pot să părăsească țara, multe cazuri fiind în care nici pe ultimul drum nu au fost petrecute).

Oare cum îsi imagina o mamă viața cu copiii ei cînd vor fi mari? Că va fi casa plină de copii și nepoți la orice sărbătoare, dar casa e pustie pentru că copiii sunt plecați în diferite colțuri ale lumii, întîlnindu-se și ei din cînd în cînd.

Sînt mamă… Copiii mei sunt speranța mea, puterea de a merge mai departe, de a trece peste orice obstacol. Nu vreau să îmi imaginez ziua cînd copiii mei vor zice că eu reprezint trecutul, cel putin nu pînă mă voi stinge…

Abia acum cu trecerea anilor, fiind mamă , înțeleg ce simțea ea cînd o necăjeam, cînd mie mi se părea că ea nu mă înțelege( ea de fapt dorind să mă ocrotească).

Iar mama mea, mama mea rămîne marea mea durere, marele meu regret că e prea departe de mine și nu pot să-i spun că o iubesc decît în Skype, îmbrățișările rămînînd să fie savurate o dată în an, cînd copiii mei au vacanță și putem merge în vizită pentru vacanța de vară…

Te iubesc mama… Iartă-mă că nu sînt mila ta, că vin prea rar să te văd, că sînt mereu ocupată și am prea puțin timp pentru tine. Tu nu ești și nu vei fi niciodată trecutul… Ești prezent , pentru că te port în suflet , ÎNGERUL MEU cu chip de om …

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