Înger de mama

Știu că îți vorbesc cam rar, deși aș vrea atît de mult să-ți trăncănesc la cap ore în șir. Știu că nu ți-am fost alături atunci cînd ai avut nevoie și tu de ajutor și nici măcar nu pot să știu cînd voi reuși să te răsplătesc cu toate. Știu că ai plecat departe de mine cu inima cît un purice și tot cu atît de multă durere în suflet. Știu că îmi auzi de fiecare dată glasul cînd plîng în pumn chiar dacă nu îți spun nimic din ceea ce mă frămîntă. Știu că inima îți suspină mereu, dar nu încetezi niciodată să îmi vorbești cu o blîndețe profundă și seninătate în priviri. Îmi spui că ești bine și niciodată nu ai încetat să crezi în asta, îmi spui că dacă astăzi a mers prost mîine cu siguranță va fi ceva mai bun. Mă mir uneori de cît de multă putere încape în tine și de cît de multe ai parcurs de una singură într-o lume atît de mare.

 În inima mea ești la fel cum erai cînd iubeam să spun că am cinci ani și cinci luni.Pentru mine ai rămas aceeași mămică tînără admirată de toată lumea din jur. Astăzi nu vreau să-ți recunosc firele cărunte pe care uneori mai uiți să le acoperi pentru că ai atît de multă muncă și mai puțin timp pentru tine. Ai cel mai frumos păr din lume și îți mulțumesc că l-am moștenit de la tine! Tot astăzi refuz să-ți privesc chipul cu cele cîteva riduri ușor conturate sub ochi încercînd să le ascunzi cîtuși de puțin prin cremuri anti-rid pe care zici că mai bine le cumperi la ofertă sau data viitoare că astăzi vrei să mai trimiți niște bani acasă. Iubesc fiecare rid de pe chipul tău și fiecare detaliu pe care îl numești tu în plus. Nu ai fost niciodată nici prea grasă, nici prea slabă, ai fost mereu exact așa cum trebuie să fie o femeie din toate punctele de vedere. Nu știu cum se întîmplă, dar reușesc  de fiecare dată să-ți strecor ceva din garderobă, pentru că ai gusturi alese care parcă îmi citesc gîndurile. Ai zîmbetul mărgăritar și privirea plină de soare. Ai mîinile mult prea uscate de atîtea spălări cu tone de soluții și nici manichiura nu-ți este cea mai perfectă, dar ai cea mai fină atingere pentru mine.

 Datorită ție astăzi nu pot să nu-mi încep ziua fără o cafea cu lapte. Știu că o adori și poate de aia am început să o iubesc și eu. Datorită ție pot fi liniștită că voi fi o gospodină bună. Chiar dacă nu ne leagă mult timp petrecut împreună, totuși ai reușit să mă înveți să gătesc găluște și chipăruși umpluți ca acasă cum numai tu știi să le faci de te lingi pe degete. Cu tine am prins gustul laptelui cu mămăligă și a orezului umplut în flori de bostan și tot tu m-ai învățat cum să gătesc cea mai bună tocăniță de legume,  cele mai delicioase clătite și cele mai buuuune plăcinte. Nu ai încetat niciodată să fii, chiar dacă fizic ai fost mai mult departe.

 Ai sufletul plin de bunătate, răbdare, înțelepciune și indulgență. Știi de fiecare dată cum să calmezi spiritele și cum să pui la punct ceea ce te calcă pe nervi. Ai balanța perfectă care mă echilibrează atunci cînd cred că totul pare lipsit de sens. Ai tot ceea de ce voi avea nevoie mereu și ceea ce îmi doresc să dărui cîndva copiilor mei.

 Am învățat să ne vorbim din priviri, uneori chiar în tăcere. Ai ales mai degrabă să suferi de una singură decît să mă superi cumva pe mine. Te strădui de fiecare dată să-mi atingi punctele cele mai slabe, dar totuși ți-i frică să nu ajungi prea departe și devii din nou un înger de mamă. Îți simt uneori atît de evident regretele și teama din priviri, încît aș da orice să nu te mai gîndești la toate cele din trecut. Atît de enigmă ai devenit pentru mine, atît de atentă la fiecare detaliu, atît grijulie pentru viitorul meu mai bun pentru care ai muncit de una singură și atît de TU pentru mine.

 Nu ți-am dat prea multe în schimb. Nu prea multă dragoste, nu prea mult ajutor, nu prea multă susținere, nu prea multe cuvinte și nici prea multă atenție… Știm prea bine ambele, nu pentru că nu am vrut, ci pentru că așa ne-a fost dat să fie. Nu pot decît să-ți ofer încrederea și căldura mea de fiică care te iubește enorm, să mă rog Celui de Sus să te apere de orice primejdie și să-ți amintească de fiecare dată de faptul că ești cea mai bună mamă din lume pentru copiii săi și cea mai puternică femeie din cele mai puternice!

 

  

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106 thoughts on “Înger de mama

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