Amprente

Le punem cu toții. Uneori din proprie dorință, alteori involuntar, dar de fiecare dată cu o miză mare de urmări. Fiecare punem mai mult sau mai puțin o amprentă în viața celor de lîngă noi, în viața celor pe care îi cunoaștem și chiar și în viața celor pe care poate îi vedem doar o singură dată. Nu pentru că anume așa trebuie să fie, ci pentru că așa e firea pur omenească. Nu o pui undeva oficial, o pui în viața ta și a celor din jurul tău. Nimeni nu trece prin viață drept un simplu călător și mai ales nimeni nu se poate opune unei stări care vine din interior. Ne naștem mai curați decît apa limpede a unui izvor, iar cum devenim pe parcurs ține deja de alegerea fiecăruia. Mai buni sau mai puțin, mai curajoși sau mai slabi, mai înțelegători sau mai indiferenți, mai indulgenți sau mai mizerabili, mai luptători sau mai de azi pe mîine, mai și tot mai mai și mai mai… Cu alte cuvinte suntem pur și simplu oameni, suntem ființe pline de toate culorile posibile, suntem o adunătură de sentimente, un amalgam de emoții, un infinit cuprins în palma unui singur Pămînt.

Mă confrunt zilnic cu o luptă venită din interior care se remodelează din nou și din nou de parcă nici nu ar fi avut o formă inițială. Nu este simplu să recunoști faptul că uneori ești laș cu tine însuți. Nu pentru că îți dorești asta, ci pentru că împrejurările te fac uneori să fii altul decît ai fost ieri. Orice schimbare din exterior îți afectează nemijlocit propriul interior. Nu vreau să spun că mă las bătută și renunț totalmente la ceea ce mi-am planificat ieri. Este mai mult o flexibilitate a lucrurilor pe care încerc să o modific de cele mai multe ori cu tragere de inimă anume pentru a nu mă lasa învinsă în fața unui eșec. Cu siguranță este valabil pentru fiecare dintre noi. În ciuda tuturor faptelor uneori este mai bine să te dai după turmă, dar să fii conștient de faptul că în mijlocul acelei turmi există și oaia albă care-și alege propriul ei drum.
Nu am făcut niciodată diferență între oameni. Nu privesc pe cineva mai bogat sau mai sărac decît mine. Nu judec după religie, cultură, statut, orientare sexuală, postări pe facebook/odnoklassniki sau alte chestii minore, nu judec alegerile cuiva și nici nu impun părerea mea proprie atîta timp cît nu mă afectează direct și pe mine. Prefer să am un echilibru în toate și chiar dacă stau la o masă cu dracu’ nu înseamnă că-l accept sau că-i voi sări în cap și-l voi goni afară. Nu spun că există doar rău pe lumea asta, dar totuși binele uneori rămîne în umbră. Am fost preîntîmpinată de mică că cel mai mare inamic al omului chiar omul poate fi, dar mai apoi am reușit să mă și conving că tot omul este cel mai bun drog pentru om. Între oameni te poți simți periculos de bine, dar și periculos de rău. Este o miză mult mai mare decît un joc la casino, iar judecata pentru toate nu este doar în fața unui simplu tribunal, ci numai și numai în mîinile Celui de Sus.
Nu am înțeles și nu cred că voi găsi vreodată un sens în unele chestii legate în ale omenescului. Să-mi fie cu iertare, dar astăzi doi oameni se pot tăia la cuțit, iar mîine se pot linge pe bot. Și dacă toate-s bune și frumoase nu înseamnă că așa va fi mereu. De la un măr stricat începe toată stricăciunea. Se pot înțelege și accepta o grămadă de lucruri, nimic nu trebuie să fie de mirare. Uneori însă, recunosc și o recunosc cu ușurință că sunt zile în care aș da orice să mă aflu în oricare alt colț al lumii. Nu pentru că nu-mi iubesc patria, ci pentru că nu o mai pot recunoaște. Am ajuns cu toții atît de individualiști și atît de indiferenți față de tot ce se întîmplă în jur, încît este greu să vorbim despre credință. Oare chiar peste tot există atîta tupeu de „eu pot face ce vreau” de doi bani? Oare chiar peste tot în lume există atît mizerie și se scuipă din gros cît e ziua de lungă de-ți vine să-ți verși stomacul? Oare să te gîndești numai și numai la fundul tău pentru că ai copii acasă sau pur și simplu pentru că vrei mai mult este peste tot acceptat? Și mai ales, chiar în oricare altă țară se poate umbla în libertate cu orice faptă mîrșavă astupată prin cumătri??? Și lista nu se termină aici… Suntem cumpărați cu toții și vînduți în toate felurile posibile, iar partea cea mai tristă este faptul că permitem unor nimicuri să devină lucruri mari. Permitem celui care ne fură să ne mai fure un pic, permitem celui care-și bate joc să rîdă pe la colțuri, permitem celui care încalcă legea să-și cumpere pedeapsa, permitem celor din fotolii să mai adopte vreo lege din pod, permitem și tot vom mai permite! Asta pentru că ne putem adapta și dacă am avut de înfruntat niște greutăți de ce să nu trecem și peste altele?
Am privit întotdeauna sceptic la tot ceea ce se întîmplă în jur, mai ales la alegerile oamenilor. Este în dreptul fiecăruia să trăiască anume după propriile dorințe și nimeni nu are nici drept să te judece pentru ele. Cu trecerea timpului însă, îmi vine tot mai greu să lupt cu fiecare gest lipsit de bun simț și mai ales plin de tupeu major. Sunt absolut sigură că majoritatea se confruntă cu așa lucruri și dacă seara te întorci acasă istovit de puteri și cu nervii la pămînt cred că un procent deosebit de mare acestei stări se datorează influenței negative a celor din jur. Este adevărat, fiecare lucru bun începe cel puțin de la tine. Nu este ne voie să ridici palate sau alte chestii legate de materialism. Este nevoie pur și simplu să fii om cu ceilalți din jurul tău și mai ales să nu fii indiferent atunci cînd diavolul se plimbă printre oameni. Este greu să lupți cu inamicul, dar nu și atunci cînd dorești să-l învingi cu adevărat.
Unele amprente îți pot da aripi, altele ți le pot tăia. Unele îți pot da speranțe, altele ți le pot ruina. Unele pot fi înțelese, altele te pot chinui. Pe unele le vei accepta, pe altele vei dori să le dai uitării. Toate însă rămîn gazdele sufletului pentru întreaga viață. Vreau să cred și să privesc lucrurile pozitiv , vreau să dau culoare fiecărei zile din viața mea și a tuturor oamenilor din jurul meu, vreau să nu mă las fugărită de la mine de acasă, vreau să devin mamă la mine în țară și mai ales vreau ca toate lucrurile bune să le bată pe cele rele. Nu există pădure fără uscăciuni, dar totuși e posibil de o curățit, iar dacă avem o singură viață înseamnă că șansa de a o trăi frumos este numai și numai una.

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129 thoughts on “Amprente

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